I feel all of this. I’m not a single mother but my husband works such long hours that we don’t see him in the week, so it feels like it much of the time. I felt so guilty always having to explain why I couldn’t do things with my first daughter. And now with my second it’s the same, but this time I’m just going with it. The time goes so fast. For now, I’m just focussing on her (also 1.5) and I trust that there will be plenty of time to do all the fun adult things in due course. And my friends will still be there for that. Sending love and solidarity! Xx
Although I haven’t had children I have had plenty of guilt! I spent about, ooh, fourteen years either wallowing in the unfairness of being an opinionated, gobby baggage prone to mistaking cruelty for humour whom apparently nobody wanted to go out with, or being an opinionated etc etc. mooning over some poor innocent male friend who didn’t want to go out with me, and boring my friends with the minutiae of my terrible situation. In moments of self awareness I felt so guilty for being so boring about it, and so weedy, and always talking about ME, and for rejecting all of their prospective dates, and not wanting to go to thingsAstonishingly I do still have friends
Sorry, half way through this and posted by accident…
I do still have friends, and I’m not quite sure why, but friends do hang on in there for you, and I was quite fun when not being boring. And we all feel too guilty about too many things to carry it all around. So think about all the time your friends have let you down, or rearranged a date to suit them not you, and think of it as a quid pro quo, or a ruthless friend-purge, whittling out the half-hearted ones who are only there for wine and fun. And DO do do pass your test. It will change everything (and a car is basically a very large motorised handbag, what’s not to love?).
I don’t drive either and I totally feel your pain. Everything is so difficult and it takes so long to get anywhere which with toddlers as you say isn’t ideal. I have two in a double buggy and it is hell sometimes. Sometimes it’s fine though. We have gotten used to it.
It does mean finding it hard to meet friends or not seem like a dick when I say oh, can it be near London bridge, again?!
It’s not forever and real friends should share the burden of travel. It isn’t easy and people are understanding.
Yes and like you say you don’t feel like being the best friend you could be, but I think of it as a period where we just have to accept we’ll be shit for a few years on the friend front and hopefully it’ll get better when transport gets easier/child is more independent.
Hang in there! And please, please give the tube another go. I’m a solo parent too and have always taken my kids *everywhere* by public transport. I can’t be arsed to learn to drive, and no dosh to run a car anyway. It’s honestly fine, even with a buggy. Even the nappy change emergency at Dalston station is now just a family anecdote.
I massively recommend toddler carriers (we have the Beco, I got it second hand) and I have carried my kids all over London in it. Brilliant for public transport and for crowds. I am not particularly strong - the structure of it is what makes it work well.
I still hate weekends and my children are 10 and 12. I know that this is not what you want to hear.
I feel all of this. I’m not a single mother but my husband works such long hours that we don’t see him in the week, so it feels like it much of the time. I felt so guilty always having to explain why I couldn’t do things with my first daughter. And now with my second it’s the same, but this time I’m just going with it. The time goes so fast. For now, I’m just focussing on her (also 1.5) and I trust that there will be plenty of time to do all the fun adult things in due course. And my friends will still be there for that. Sending love and solidarity! Xx
Although I haven’t had children I have had plenty of guilt! I spent about, ooh, fourteen years either wallowing in the unfairness of being an opinionated, gobby baggage prone to mistaking cruelty for humour whom apparently nobody wanted to go out with, or being an opinionated etc etc. mooning over some poor innocent male friend who didn’t want to go out with me, and boring my friends with the minutiae of my terrible situation. In moments of self awareness I felt so guilty for being so boring about it, and so weedy, and always talking about ME, and for rejecting all of their prospective dates, and not wanting to go to thingsAstonishingly I do still have friends
Sorry, half way through this and posted by accident…
I do still have friends, and I’m not quite sure why, but friends do hang on in there for you, and I was quite fun when not being boring. And we all feel too guilty about too many things to carry it all around. So think about all the time your friends have let you down, or rearranged a date to suit them not you, and think of it as a quid pro quo, or a ruthless friend-purge, whittling out the half-hearted ones who are only there for wine and fun. And DO do do pass your test. It will change everything (and a car is basically a very large motorised handbag, what’s not to love?).
Large motorised handbag is THE DREAM
I don’t drive either and I totally feel your pain. Everything is so difficult and it takes so long to get anywhere which with toddlers as you say isn’t ideal. I have two in a double buggy and it is hell sometimes. Sometimes it’s fine though. We have gotten used to it.
It does mean finding it hard to meet friends or not seem like a dick when I say oh, can it be near London bridge, again?!
It’s not forever and real friends should share the burden of travel. It isn’t easy and people are understanding.
It's exactly that - and I don't think other people even really mind, it's mostly a self inflicted pressure.
Yes and like you say you don’t feel like being the best friend you could be, but I think of it as a period where we just have to accept we’ll be shit for a few years on the friend front and hopefully it’ll get better when transport gets easier/child is more independent.
God, I feel like this all the time. Solidarity.
Basically that riddle with the fox and the chicken and the grain, all the bloody time.
Hang in there! And please, please give the tube another go. I’m a solo parent too and have always taken my kids *everywhere* by public transport. I can’t be arsed to learn to drive, and no dosh to run a car anyway. It’s honestly fine, even with a buggy. Even the nappy change emergency at Dalston station is now just a family anecdote.
I do intermittently give it a go, but the one near me has two massive flights of stairs, so until we're post pram it's just such a struggle.
I massively recommend toddler carriers (we have the Beco, I got it second hand) and I have carried my kids all over London in it. Brilliant for public transport and for crowds. I am not particularly strong - the structure of it is what makes it work well.